It's so disappointing when you post something on Facebook that you just KNOW will crack people up and then...crickets. :-/
I posted the following this afternoon:
Let it grow, let it grow, ain't shavin' legs anymore. Let it grow, let it grow, throw the razor on the drawer. I don't care 'bout no prickly hair. Let it all grow long...the fur never bothered me anyway.
Just four "likes" and two comments, neither of which were about my comic genius.
My humor is WASTED on those dry losers on Facebook.
A darn happy thing that I don't rely on social media for my happiness. Amiright?!
Unless...ugh. I'm not as funny as I think I am. :'-(
Sheesh! I just re-read my weekend posts and...WOW, between auto-correct and my own blithering mistakes ("hearding" FTW!!) I sound like a blithering idiot. Which, in the interest of complete honesty, I sorta am. But you already know that.
So, yeah. I'm owning the fact that I can be a sloppy and clueless writer on a good day and complete blithering idiot on the iPhone autocorrecting tiny "keyboard."
Also, in case you're wondering, the "hearding" should have been "herding". You know, just in case anyone ELSE is not the sharpest tool in the shed today.
Also, also "FTW" means "For the win" in case also like me, you're not always too hip on this here internet lingo.
Hey, if we can't laugh at OURSELVES, we'll be totally devastated when the rest of the world laughs AT us, amiright? :-D
Tried a Boca veggie burger for the first time. I was a little leery about it at first, but it was actually really good. Had sweet potato fries (oven "fried") with it. Trying to eat healthier without sacrificing the things I love like burgers and fries. ;-)
Mama bought Alyssa a desk for Christmas and I "get" to fix it up. Fun. Actually, though, I haven't worked on a big project in a while so I'm due for one. You know I'll share the deets.
I watched the last hour of the MSU/LSU game and nearly lost my voice screaming because MSU was thisclose to winning and they almost let LSU steal the game from them in the last two minutes.
But dem dogs finished off dem tigers 34-29.
I only turned it over to check the score because my FB newsfeed was blowing up with excitement. Got sucked in and now I remember why I don't watch sports...in beet we all the boring standing around, it can get way too intense. lol
I was so tired/lazy that I didn't bake my pie for church last night do now I'm stressing over whether it not it'll have proper cooling time. Oh well. I'm tempted to keep it for myself anyway. It's my favorite chocolate pie. Mmmmmmm.
I also made jalapeño cheddar biscuits. Tiny ones. I love them but I can see the church folks being leery to try 'em. Church folks are suspicious of "new" things. Ha
Am frying chicken strips, too. I wouldn't normally, but I had chickfm tenders in the freezer and since I'm broke, I didn't want to hafta but anything to cook. So...pray for me? Frying is not my favorite thing to do.
Kelly Clarkson has this song on one of her more recent albums titled, You Can't Win. I'm sure you know what it's about...how no matter what you do, it's going to be wrong? That is my life right now. I can't win no matter what I do. If I step up and take charge, I'm taking over but if I step back and wait to be told what to do, I'm a lazy slacker. If I initiate a project, I'm being bossy but if I wait for someone else to initiate it, I'm a lazy slacker. If I go off and do a project on my own, I'm playing the martyr but if I ask for or wait for help, I'm a lazy slacker. And Heaven forbid I get recognized for my talents because then I'm uppity. But if I keep my talents hidden, I'm a...you guessed it...a lazy slacker.
I'm just so frustrated! I don't know what else I can do! I don't want to be anything more than I am...a person who does her job. I come to work to collect a paycheck and put in my 40 hours so that I can pay my bills. The fact that I try to do my job well should be a bonus, right? But lately it just seems like doing a good job is getting me nothing but grief. Grief because the more I do, the more I get noticed and the more I get noticed, the more people resent me. My friends, other staff, some faculty.
And I know it sounds like I'm bragging about "Oh, I'm so awesome and people are just jealous". I'm not. I will never lay claim to being a super awesome and talented person or employee. There are PLENTY of people in this world and in this library who are FAR more talented and passionate about their jobs than I am. Frankly, I don't need the extra work, responsibility or recognition. I'm much happier over here in a corner shuffling books around while the lyrics to "Shake it Off" runs on loop in my brain. And it isn't as though I have important people fawning all over me all the time. In fact, the same people who "praise" me are often the ones who dump crap on me. So nobody's got nothing to be jealous of.
What really gets me though, is a lot of the time it's my friends who drive the "can't win" scenario. At least they mostly do it to my face instead of behind my back, but still. I want to scream at them to just tell me what they want me to do!
I have certainly learned that they are not the types to be happy for you when you succeed, for sure. I usually tread very carefully whenever I get any sort of recognition or get pulled into something that might be deemed "uppity." I try not to mention it at all, if I can get by with it. But sometimes I can't not say anything or I don't realize that it's something that they might find me at fault for and I tell them. Then they give me passive aggressive hell about it until the next thing comes along that gets them all up in arms.
One person (not a friend, but a VIP in the library) has even started tearing me down behind my back...to one of my friends. So I'm sure if he's talking bad about me to her, he's tearing me down with other VIP's. Not sure what his beef is except that he seems to hate anyone that he didn't cherry pick to be his pet. I thought he and I were becoming...not friends, exactly, but...friend-ish? But I guess not.
I shouldn't care. I should do what Kasey Musgraves advises in her version of the can't win type song and follow my arrow wherever it points and just not care what other people think. Do what I know is right and if people don't like it, they can lump it.
So as I mentioned in the comments, the memorial service for Mr. Leslie was yesterday. It was a lovely service in a very small, very crowded church and I made a mess of my mascara. His wife seemed to teeter between being okay and being just utterly shattered.
The church was already so crowded when I arrived that many of us were standing around before the service, hoping some chairs would appear. As I was standing there, I heard my name and there was his wife getting up to come to me. I don't think she'll ever know how much that meant to me that amidst her grief and among her family, she saw me and reached out to me. We only hugged briefly and with a short exchange but it was a very meaningful moment for me.
I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I'm not a very social person. (Yes, I know I mention it a lot. ha) "Socially awkward" is a mild way of describing me. And the above scene is what has always made Mr. Leslie and his wife so special to me...the fact that they reach past my social awkwardness and love me anyway. That among strangers and even family who often ignore or dismiss me, they've always extended a kind hand of friendship.
That being said, when she hugged me, I had absolutely no idea what to say. "I'm so sorry" sounds so trite and meaningless. And yet, to say how sad I was at the loss seemed to take away from her own deeper sense of loss and grief. In the end, I awkwardly said nothing. I just hugged her, and nodded when she thanked me for being there. And when she exclaimed, "It's just so sad!" all I could say was, "I know." and hug her back.
I don't handle other people's emotions very well on a daily basis, but funerals? Fuggetaboutit. I never know what to say or what to do. Ultimately, I guess, there's nothing really TO say. Nothing that CAN be done. But it just still seems so awkward and uncomfortable. Pile that on top of the fact that I was in the middle of a bunch of strangers and it was a pretty miserable experience, as most funerals/memorials are. But I wasn't there for me. I was there for Mrs. Francis. Even if we only had that one small exchange, it was worth it just to express my love and friendship to two people who mean so much to me.